Squall's Bad Day
by Rabbit Dawg
Summary: It's Squall's birthday, but it just went horribly wrong. This is the start of a really bad day. (Part 4 up.) Please r&r and tell me what you think. But I must warn you... this is REALLY PERVERTED.
1. Caught with Carbunkle

DISCLAIMER: The Final Fantasy characters used in this fiction are not my property and belong rightfully to Squaresoft. Should there be any problems, please contact me so that I may be able to assist in solving the problem. Please don't sue. My money is lacking. I am willing to solve the problems through discussion should there be any.  
  
Now on a more familiar note, the idea of giving characters bad days is also not mine. I was just inspired to make one by my good buddy, Parallel_Blue13115. Please feel free to check out her stories as well. (Her Vinny's Bad Day series is better than mine anyway, but I tried and this story is the result.) Um... if you've read this far, then I hope you enjoy the story. Sorry about the pervertedness of it..  
  
  
  
PART 1  
  
Squall lay on his bed peacefully, having a nice dream about restoring HP with Rinoa.  
  
Squall: C'mon Rinoa!! Ooh!! Aaah!! moan +100 HP.... +4320 HP.... +99999HP!!!!!!!!! (yes, he managed to enjoy it so much he got five 9's...)  
  
It was the perfect way to start off his birthday. He hadn't even woken up yet, and he was already having fun. He became half-conscious and grabbed for what was supposed to be his Rinoa card. His hand slowly crept towards his boxers and then.... BAM!! The door to his dorm burst open and 4 figures entered the room: Selphie, Irvine, Quistis and Zell.  
  
Selphie: Hiya Squalliepooh!! Happy Birthday!! Whoo-hoo!! Tee-hee!! Squall: growls Grr.... Could you guys leave me alone?  
  
The four of them sighed and were going to leave, but suddenly did a double take. Did they just catch Squall masturbating? And what was in his hand? The four crept closer.  
  
Squall: Hey!! What are you all doing!? I said to leave me alone!!  
  
Irvine suddenly snatched the card from Squall's hand and looked at it.  
  
Irvine: Carbuncle!? You were looking at THIS while being naughty!?  
  
Irvine dropped the card and began to laugh nonstop.  
  
Irvine: I could have asked Rinoa to give you her PetPals magazine if you wanted. continues to laugh  
  
Squall got up and looked at the card on the floor. It was true. He had been searching for Rinoa's card without looking and had taken the wrong one.  
  
Quistis: Squall!! I don't believe it. You were my best student!! What will Dr. Kadowaki think about this!? What about Cid? Guardian Forces aren't supposed to be used like that!! Zell: And what would Rinoa say when she finds out!? (heh heh heh. Now Rinoa is all mine!!) Selphie: (No wonder Carbuncle's compatibility with me went down and went up with Squall's just a minute ago...)  
  
Quistis and Zell left Squall's dorm, while Selphie skipped out and Irvine crawled out. Squall was left dumbfounded. He couldn't believe what just happened.  
  
Squall: Hey guys!! Wait!! quickly puts on some clothes and rushes out of his dorm to try and catch up with the others  
  
When he got out of his dorm, he found out that the news has already spread. Squall went to the elevator to try and get to the intercom to call for his so-called friends. On his way there, he saw Spade.  
  
Spade: Oh. Hey Squall! I heard the news. I thought these would make perfect gifts for you. hands Squall some cards They're not the real cards though, just a bunch of copies.  
  
Squall looks at the cards and sees Diablos, Tonberry, Cactuar, Quezacotl, and Bahamut.  
  
Squall: Pervert. Spade: What? Why? You don't like my gift? Squall: Of course not!! Here. Take it back hands fake cards to Spade Spade: But what do I do with copies? You're the only one with use for them. Squall: gets pissed You can stick 'em up your @#$%!! Spade: But I can't. Club made it soar yesterday and now there's a big bump...  
  
Squall covered his ears. Woah, that was just WAY TOO MUCH info. Squall entered the elevator. The Diamond Duo were inside.  
  
Diamond 1: Oh hey!! It's -- Diamond 2: MasturSquall. Diamonds Together: Happy Birthday!! Squall: ... Squall: Whatever.  
  
The Diamond Duo went back to their normal conversation.  
  
Diamond 1: Did you here about Spade's and Club's incident? Diamond 2: Yeah. Spade said nobody has ever gotten that far before...  
  
Squall entered the third floor and saw Dr. Kadowaki standing there. She walked up to him, slapped him on the face hard, and walked away.  
  
Squall: (What was that about? Sheesh...) Squall: ... Squall: Whatever.  
  
Squall was about to use the elevator to get to the Bridge when Rinoa popped up behind him.  
  
Rinoa: Hey Squall!! waves Squall: Hey Rinoa. acknowledges her with a nod Rinoa: I heard about what happened. Don't worry. It's normal. I do it too. Angelo helps me. Isn't he smart!?  
  
Squall began getting weird images of Doggie-Style upon the mention of Angelo's name, when Rinoa interrupted him.  
  
Rinoa: Hey look, it's that one dark lady soldier from Galbadia and the fat one.  
  
Squall looked and saw Kiros and Ward.  
  
Squall: Rinoa... Kiros is male. Kiros: No I'm not. I won a battle once, but I accidentally sliced my mammary organs off when I did my victory pose. That's why my battle pose is always slouched back. The weight of my front side used to counter balance it and I would be able to stand straight. Squall: ... Ward: And I'm her boyfriend. Squall: .... Does Laguna know? Kiros: Well, no... he might start acting strange if I told him... especially since I think your dad is rather attractive. Ward: WHAT!? HOW DARE YOU!!  
  
Ward began to drag Kiros by him... er...her hair back to the elevator.  
  
Ward: Now I'm gonna have to stick my harpoon in you. THEN, you can tell me who you think is cute.  
  
Rinoa: Oh no!! Kiros is gonna die if we don't help him!! Squall: No he won't. Why would he... er... she? Rinoa: Ward is gonna stick his harpoon in her!! That's, like, sharp and 5 feet long!! Squall: I think he might have meant his... "natural" harpoon. Rinoa: But that doesn't matter. It's still sharp and 5 feet long!! Ellone told me!! Squall: ... (Why is everyone giving me so much info today!?)  
  
Squall began to head for the elevator to the bridge, so he could call his companions on the intercom. Rinoa came with him. 


	2. Preparing for the Garden Festival

DISCLAIMER: The Final Fantasy characters used in this fiction are not my property and belong rightfully to Squaresoft. Should there be any problems, please contact me so that I may be able to assist in solving the problem. Please don't sue. My money is lacking. I am willing to solve the problems through discussion should there be any.  
  
Now on a more familiar note, the idea of giving characters bad days is also not mine. I was just inspired to make one by my good buddy, Parallel_Blue13115. Please feel free to check out her stories as well. (Her Vinny's Bad Day series is better than mine anyway, but I tried and this story is the result.) Um... if you've read this far, then I hope you enjoy the story. Sorry about the pervertedness of it... Because it is REALLY perverted and stupid.  
  
PART 2  
  
Squall finally made it to the bridge. Xu just laughed at him. Nida began to hug and fondle the big controlling stick.  
  
  
  
Nida: It reminds me of Bahamut's...  
  
Squall: ... Whatever. Just give me the intercom.  
  
The intercom was turned on.  
  
Squall: Attention. Would Irvine, Selphie, Zell, and Quistis report to the bridge immediately. (I guess I'll just have to wait for them to show up...)  
  
Meanwhile in the Quad...  
  
Selphie: So for the Garden Festival, we'll have a giant Squall statue and then we'd have GF stuffed animals be swung at the statue's crotch!! It'll be great!!!!! And then when it plays Eyes on Me as the last song, the statue will pour out the white stuff!!!  
  
Garden Festival Committee Member 1 (GFCM1): But where will we get the white stuff?  
  
Selphie: Um... Zell, Irvine, Headmaster Cid, Seifer, Raijin, Angelo, Nida, Ward, um... all the guys?  
  
GFCM2: Sounds like a plan. We'll collect right now. We'll have some from every male in Garden!!!!!  
  
In Quistis' classroom....  
  
Quistis: You know... Squall is the leader of the Garden... and he does it. Maybe if I do it, I'll be leader some day....  
  
She looked at her faithful card.  
  
Quistis: Ready Gilgamesh? Hit me with all 4 of your swords!!!! AAAHHHHHH OOOOHHHHH moan  
  
Outside the classroom....  
  
Trepie 1: OMGosh!!!!! Instructor Trepe is hurt!!!!!!  
  
Trepie 2: OMGoodness!!!! What do we do?  
  
Trepie 3: peers inside door She's not hurt... she's... whisper  
  
Trepie 1: So.... I guess we'll all do what Instructor Trepe is doing... since we're Trepies and all.....  
  
Trepie 2: Okay.....  
  
The three of them lie down..... AHHAHAAOOAHAHAOOOH moans. Just then, the Fujin and Raijin walks by.  
  
Fujin: ...  
  
Raijin: What're ya'll doing, ya know?  
  
Trepies: We're doing what instructor Trepe is doing.  
  
Raijin: So what is she doing, ya know?  
  
Fujin: HERSELF  
  
Just then, a random Garden Festival Committee member spots Raijin and leaps for joy.  
  
GFCM7: I found another one we haven't got!!!   
  
The GFCM rush to Raijin, pull down his pants, jerk him and preserve the fluids in a glass. Then she puts his pants back on and skips away to the Quad.  
  
Fujin: WAIT  
  
Fujin: MINE  
  
She rushes off and chases the GFCM.  
  
Raijin: I just think I lost my virginity just now..... I didn't even last 5 seconds......ya know?  
  
Trepies: Then you can... moan practice with +9999HP us...  
  
Raijin: Ok (ya know)  
  
Raijin lies down on the floor with the three trepies, and together, they all pleasure themselves in front of Quistis' class room.  
  
At the Bridge...  
  
Rinoa: (I have to meet Seifer... but how will I tell Squall?)  
  
Squall: Why do you have to meet him?  
  
Rinoa: How did you--?  
  
Squall: The thought bubble on your head.  
  
Rinoa: Oh... Well, Squall, I realized you liked Carbuncle more than me, so.. I don't love you anymore.   
  
She slapped him.... with the arm with the pinwheel. The pinwheel edges cut. Now, Squall had a scar in the shape of a trident............. She walked away. Angelo appeared behind her. Then, he walked back, peed on Squall and then went away. Squall just stood there, dumbfounded. A bubble appeard over his head. [Squall's Luck - 1] Then, his salary appeared. His SeeD rank got lower......  
  
And his so-called friends still weren't there!!!!!! This was inhumane!!!!!!! And Squall was just having a bad day. 


	3. Selphie in the Shadows

DISCLAIMER: The Final Fantasy characters used in this fiction are not my property and belong rightfully to Squaresoft. Should there be any problems, please contact me so that I may be able to assist in solving the problem. Please don't sue. My money is lacking. I am willing to solve the problems through discussion should there be any.  
  
Now on a more familiar note, the idea of giving characters bad days is also not mine. I was just inspired to make one by my good buddy, Parallel_Blue13115. Please feel free to check out her stories as well. (Her Vinny's Bad Day series is better than mine anyway, but I tried and this story is the result.) Um... if you've read this far, then I hope you enjoy the story. Sorry about the pervertedness of it..  
  
PART 3  
  
Selphie: Okay, the festival is gonna start.  
  
GFCM4: But what if Squall walks in?  
  
GFCM6: We need to surprise him!!  
  
Suddenly, GFCM3 barges into the quad.  
  
GFCM3: I got Angelo's white stuff!!!!!  
  
Selphie: How'd you do that?  
  
GFCM3 just smiles.  
  
Garden Festival Committee Members: Oh. I get it.  
  
Selphie: Well, put it in the Squall statue.  
  
GFCM3 climbs up the Squall statue and empties Angelo's load in the statue's mouth. That was the only place to put it, so it'd go down to the groin area.  
  
Selphie: Anyway, I know how to surprise Squall!!!!!! I'll knock him out!!!!! We'll tie him up where the statue is gonna release. Then we'll use a phoenix down on him!!!!!  
  
GFCM2: Let's tie him up on a wheel thing and spin it!!!!!!  
  
GFCM1: And when he wakes up, we all say Happy Birthday!!!!  
  
Garden Festival Committe Members: YAY!!!!!!!  
  
Meanwhile...........  
  
Ward: AAHHH!!!!!!  
  
Kiros: OOOOOHHHHHH!!!!  
  
Ward: MASSIVE ANCHOR!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kiros: BLOOD PAIN!!!!!!!!  
  
Also..............  
  
Seifer: You've got a cute ass Rinoa.  
  
Rinoa: giggle Thanks. (Angelo never said that when he did doggie-style....)  
  
Seifer: Okay.... Let's begin.  
  
10 seconds later.......  
  
Seifer: NO MERCY!!!!!!!  
  
Rinoa: INVINCIBLE 'MOON'!!!!!!!!!  
  
Back at the Bridge.............  
  
Squall was still there, pacing back and forth... THEN, Selphie drops from the shadows and strangles him with her nunchaku!!!!  
  
Squall: ::choke::  
  
Selphie: Sorry Squall. Tee-hee!!  
  
Squall was suffocating. He couldn't let his assailant win!!! So he elbowed his assailant hard in the gut.  
  
Selphie: HAHA!! I got vitality junction!! and vit+60%!! and auto-protect!! LALALALALALA!!! I love trains.  
  
Squall was suffocated........... by Selphie. Then, she dragged him by the hair to the quad.... while skipping.  
  
Selphie: Whoo-hoo!! I knocked out Squall everyone!!!!!!!!  
  
Meanwhile...........  
  
Spade: Wow Zell. I didn't know you were so good at this. Even Club didn't get this far....  
  
Zell: Yeah, well, my Ma taught me.  
  
Outside Quistis' classroom.............  
  
Quistis: What are you four doing?  
  
Trepies: We're doing what you did!!  
  
Raijin: ya know?  
  
Quistis: That's not what I did. All of you come in here. I'll show you.  
  
The 4 of them entered the classroom.  
  
Quistis: Hmm... there's 5 of us... Gilgamesh!!!! Do you by chance have a 5th sword?  
  
Meanwhile........  
  
Fujin: SQUALL?  
  
Fujin: DEFEATED?  
  
Fujin: SELPHIE!?!?!?!?  
  
Fujin: SQUALL...  
  
Fujin: SUCKS!!!  
  
Diamond Duo (DD)1: Yeah, you're right Squall...  
  
DD2: ...is a weak leader.  
  
DD1: He sucks cock--  
  
DD2: ...  
  
DD1: (Hey, finish my sentence.)  
  
DD2: (But it's already finished...)  
  
Jack: Selphie beat Squall? Well he can suck my--  
  
Joker: Tilmitt!! Tilmitt!!!!  
  
Dr. Kadowaki: Squall is a dimwitt!!!  
  
Joker: No more Leonheart!!  
  
Xu: 'cause Squall is a tart!!!!  
  
At the Quad........  
  
Selphie: Phoenix down!!!!!!  
  
Squall: What the....?  
  
Everyone: Happy Birthday Squall!!!!!  
  
Squall was pissed.... until he saw a big statue of himself. (Hey, not bad...) Then, suddenly, from the darkness, a carbunkle stuffed animal tied on a rope is swung into the statue's crotch.  
  
Before he could protest, they had spun him around since they laid him down and tied him to a spinning wheel. While spinning, he saw a diablos stuffed animal bash into his groin.  
  
Then suddenly:  
  
Fujin: STOP  
  
Joker: Tilmitt!! Tilmitt!!!!  
  
Dr. Kadowaki: Squall is a dimwitt!!!  
  
Joker: No more Leonheart!!  
  
Xu: 'cause Squall is a tart!!!!  
  
Back with Spade..................  
  
Spade: Wow Zell, you're good at this too.  
  
Zell: Yeah, well...... hotdogs. You know they're my favorite treat. I can stuff 7 of them in my mouth at one time!! Cool, huh?  
  
Spade: Very. I can only stuff 5.  
  
Zell: Oh. Well, I can help with that. By the time I've done with you, you'll be able to stuff 10 in your mouth easy.   
  
ZIP!! or rather... UNZIP 


	4. The Dreamworld

DISCLAIMER: The Final Fantasy characters used in this fiction are not my property and belong rightfully to Squaresoft. Should there be any problems, please contact me so that I may be able to assist in solving the problem. Please don't sue. My money is lacking. I am willing to solve the problems through discussion should there be any.  
  
Now on a more familiar note, the idea of giving characters bad days is also not mine. I was just inspired to make one by my good buddy, Parallel_Blue13115. Please feel free to check out her stories as well. (Her Vinny's Bad Day series is better than mine anyway, but I tried and this story is the result.) Um... if you've read this far, then I hope you enjoy the story. Sorry about the pervertedness of it...  
  
PART 4  
  
When Fujin had called 'STOP' the Garden festival stopped and they chanted their Squall song which calls him a tart.   
  
Squall: (Sis... they're makin fun of me...)  
  
Then Selphie joined in the chant.  
  
Selphie: 'cuz Squall's a tart!! Whoo-hoo!! Let's sing it again!!  
  
The people operating the ropes didn't here Fujin's call and another GF stuffed animal bashed in to the statue's groin. It was Tonberry King.  
  
Tonberry King: Doink.  
  
Squall: (Sis. Help me sis.....Selphie's being mean to me...)  
  
Back at Seifer's room.....  
  
Seifer: Rinoa? Are you conscious? Aww... my merciless love must've knocked her out... but I'm pretty tired.......  
  
The door to his room bursts open. Angelo rushes into the room, fins a phoenix down out of nowhere and revives Rinoa.  
  
Rinoa: Um.... was I knocked out...? What's up my invincible 'moon'?  
  
Then Angelo exits the room, and re-enters and tosses something to Seifer.  
  
Rinoa: Oh yay Angelo!! You learned Angelo Recover!! Um... the thing in my moon is getting hard again.  
  
Seifer: Heh heh. Yeah, well, I'm not tired anymore. Heh heh. blush moan humpx4  
  
Rinoa: Oooh!! Aaah!! Wait, hold on. Let me get my sorceress 'powers' in action.  
  
Seifer: Heh heh. Then I can be your knight all night long. (I'm so funny. Get it? My knight... long... all night?)  
  
In Esthar..........  
  
Laguna: You know Ellone, you remind me of Raine.  
  
Ellone: Oh... that's nice.  
  
Laguna: Why don't we... you know... I mean, we're not REALLY related... not by blood.  
  
So they made out with 'Eyes on Me' in the background. 2 or 3 minuts later...  
  
Radio: Shall I be the one for you?  
  
Laguna: DESPERADO!!!!!!!  
  
Radio: Who pinches you softly but sure?  
  
Ellone: pinches Laguna  
  
Radio: If frown is shown then...  
  
Laguna: OOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAOAAAAAHH!!!!!!!  
  
Radio: I will know that you are no dreamer..............................  
  
Ellone: (Well, he's definitely not a dreamer. That OOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAOAAAAAHH I got was definitely more than a frown..........)  
  
Ellone: (Laguna reminds me of Squall...... hey..... Squall.... I think I hear him...... Selphie's making fun of him, huh? I know just what to do...) uses her powers  
  
At the Garden Festival.....  
  
Selphie: 'cuz Squall is a......... yawn I feel sleepy.............   
  
Selphie collapses on Squall.   
  
Squall: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! She's gonna rape me!!!!! Selphie's gonna rape me!!!!  
  
In the dreamworld.....  
  
Selphie/Kiros: ((Oh wow. I'm in Kiros' body... gasp He WAS a woman!!!! Er... wait, why am I tied up? Why am I naked? Why am I..... moist......?)) Don't keep me waiting, big papa!!  
  
Ward: Geronimo!!!!!!!  
  
Ward jumped and landed on Kiros.  
  
Selphie/Kiros: ((AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!)) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Selphie: ((I'm tied up as Kiros and Ward is fondling me!!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!))  
  
Kiros: moan Let me feel your harpoon.....  
  
Ward: takes out his 'harpoon'  
  
Selphie: ((Wow. His harpoon is too big for his size........ It should only be 3.7 feet at most, but his is 5 feet long.........))  
  
Kiros: fondles the harpoon as Ward lays in top of him.  
  
Selphie: ((Kiros!?!?!? NO!!!!!! Don't do THAT!!!!!!!! NOOOOOO----- oh hey, it tastes pretty good... Like bacon. I bet all big guys taste like bacon... this is so yummy. From now on, I like my boys big.... just like trains.))  
  
Kiros: sucks the harpoon or at least the head... somehow.....  
  
Back in the real world.............  
  
Squall: OMG!!!!! WHY IS SELPHIE TRYING TO SUCK MY FACE!?!?!?!?  
  
Fujin: BECAUSE  
  
A Pandemona stuffed animal comes out of nowhere and soars to the statue's 'member's area'.  
  
In Quistis' Classroom.....  
  
Gilgamesh: Um... no, I don't have another sword.... Hmm, hey, maybe I can borrow your staff?  
  
Raijin: Uh.... sure... ya know...............  
  
5 minutes later........  
  
Everyone in Quistis' room: moan  
  
Raijin: My staff is huge................. ya know?  
  
Back to Esthar.........................  
  
Ellone: sees what's going on with Kiros and Ward WARD!!!!!!!  
  
Laguna: What? You like Ward? Over me? But look at me. I'm irresistable. Look at the long hairs on my 'pen...is'  
  
Ellone: Yeah, it's nice. I like how it, too, has a pony-tail.... like your hair.  
  
Back to Spade's room.............  
  
Zell: Spade... I..... I think my SeeD......moan is coming....................  
  
Spade: MmmmMmmhmmmHmmm..........  
  
Zell: What? I can't hear you... yanks himself out of Spade  
  
Spade: I said: But it's only been 3 seconds...............  
  
Zell: I know, but... I can't control.... my emotions..... UGH!!!!! releases load  
  
Spade: MY EYE!!!!!! wipes off his eyes with his finger That was it? You said I could fit 10 hotdogs in my mouth by the time you were done....licks his finger  
  
Zell: I didn't mean hotdogs with their buns!!!! Just the hotdogs!!!!!!  
  
Spade: Oh. Well, I can already fit 14...  
  
Zell: DAYNG. I can only fit 7... without the buns...  
  
Spade: Hmm........ Seifer was right......you ARE a CHICKEN-WUSS!!!!!  
  
Zell: Oh yeah!?!? I'm gonna make you eat those words!! And a whole lot more!!!!!!  
  
Back at the festival........  
  
Squall and Selphie found themselves tied up and spinning around. Someone was at the statue, ready to operate it and let it show off the Garden Festival Committee's hard work.  
  
Back at Spade's.......  
  
Zell: OMG!!!!!!! YOU ACTUALLY ATE IT!!!!!!!!  
  
Spade: And it had creamy filling. Yum.  
  
Zell: (Great... what am I supposed to do with JUST balls...... and how do I pee!?) 


End file.
